QPR...

[fred emney]

So bloody barnsley drop us further down the u-bend, with a mincing display at palace, preston are picking up form . 7 points from safety... a win at QPR is almost a must.

A shining light maybe the form of donny who are stagnant above us, can we get enough points to catch `em??, palace look like they are doing enough, middlesbrough too.

meanwhile "the massive" jammed a win over colchester to consolidate their place in the also rans of the third tier, pretty lousy saturday apart from the scunny result.

more bad news... collins is available for the QPR game, we looked ok at the back v leeds, it`s to be hoped Micky doesn`t tinker too much. Hendo is back to gi` it some elbow & Marcus Bent may get a look in, as the statistics of a goal from him near mythical proportions, a goal in every 700 games, surely he`s due??

[muttley]

If I didn't hate the inbreads already, I hate them even more now.

[lab]

O'nt TV here if anyone is interested channel 621

[fred emney]

621... coincidently probably our formation for the QPR game lab, taking into account hendersons habitual early shower of course.

[fred emney]

1 down at half time

dosy defending by Collins keepin` `em onside, followed by Nossa leaving his man enough room to set up a table, seat 6 people & serve 3 courses of french cuisine & chips.

Monty usual quota of silly fouls but surprisingly getting into a couple of good scoring positions, shame he isn`t a good scorer.

Boggy one off the line, but a weedy shot. Quinn should`ve had a pen but then again if he`d been stronger he`d have scored.

After 1st 20 minutes when we were way second best, we are in it... but can`t see us scoring :-(

[fred emney]

2 down, game over. A good strike but what was nossa doing giving away a needless corner. He has the ball control of a pinball machine

[fred emney]

3 down. league one here we go. 3 shots on target 3 goals for the Park Queens.

Boggy had a super chance earlier, get over the ball man, no, put it into the back of the stand, that`s our standard of finishing.

[thechairman]

Noddy back to his normal self giving goals away. Collins poor as ever. Neither two should be near the team.
Mission nearly impossible now however the real killer blows were Scunny, palace and Derby.
We could soon be bottom to make it even more embarrassing.
Anyway we won't go down remember that.

[lab]

So much for 6-2-1 Fred, O'boy...

[pommpey]

We were bobbar. Even through that eventful ten minute spell where QPR sat back and had a coke and a fag, we never looked like scoring in a (Brian Cox effusiveness) million ... billion ... BILLION years.

From the top, Deadbat stylee -

Henderson 3/10. How much is he on, per week? Anyone? Let's be generous and imagine he's on, say, £7.5k a week. So, that's a grand a day, and bits, for ninety minutes of jumping at, onto and around opponents defenders, and booting the ball in one direction. Easy money, for me. I'm 48, and haven't put ninety minutes in a for a few years, but I'd have done a lot more than this bloody poppo did last night. He was bollocks.

Evans 4/10. We're back with the 'crisis of confidence' Ched now, arent we? When we signed him, ten thousand years ago for a trillion bucks from 'laughing all the way to the bank' Man City, he looked tallish, powerful and someone who could 'do a job for us', so to speak. He's f**king crap. Their back four were run off their feet ... up supporting QPRs attack. Where is he supposed to be playing, anyone? Is he a direct striker ... a fast diagonal run attacker (like Bellamy, for example?) or is he a goal poacher? I'm scratching my head, to be honest. When he gets near the ball I have to think, 'Oh, there's Evans', just to remind me (and Adams, I suppose) that he has slunk off the pitch, gone over the barriers, down the exit and into the nearest restaurant. No, acually, I take it back. 3/10, and only just.

Bog-f**king-dan-o-f**king-vitch. 2/10. Run, Boggy. No. Don't stop. Keep running, lad. Ta-ra.

Monty 5/10. Only just five, as well. Just to add to my previous summation of this midfield general, on nine minutes, their player cut indise him and went for goal and I sat slightly forward in my seat and said, 'Don't f**king foul him, Monty!'.

Guess what Monty did?*

Quinny 5/10. In a small way, deserved his penalty (which was in the 'I've seen them given' bracket, in the same manner as 'Christ, he had a great game' that you never hear said about Quinny) but he ran everywhere, tackled everything - including himself - and got f**k-all for it, which kinda sums up his abilities. Best thing he can do now is sod off at the end of the season and play dead good for someone else, like mosy ex-Blades seem to do.

Doyle 4/10. As he played, and got involved, I could hear the Billy Smart's Big Top music playing in my mind's orchestra pit somewhere. What the f**k was Adams doing when he brought him to the Lane. Okay, I know he's in a 'You'll have to bring in CL benchwarmers and rejects in to play for buttons' role, but Christ almighty, he's woeful. He seems to be playing out there on his own, with no mates, only ten other blokes in the same kit.

Lowton 5.5/10. Better performance from this lad, although at times he is a bit unsure of himself. Last night he was left wanting by their forwards.

Mattock 6/10. Looked bewildered and totally pissed off near the end. Again, QPR just drove through him.

Collins 4/10. Battled well, but lost out to Henderson for the bag of carrots. Jesus, he is bad ... but not as bad as ...

Nyron

f**king

Nosworthy 0/10

Yes. Nil. Out. Of. Ten.

He has the touch of a f**king rapist, this bloke. If he's not swing-footing it onto the surface of Mars, he's clumsily bundling people over in the box. If he's not turning into a large, negroid statue when there's some marking and challenging to be done on people a foot smaller than him, then he's showing the whole of the UK on Sky Sports and the following news bulletins how to chase a ball, shape one's foot round it to bring it under control, readjust one's balance, look up, and deliver a twenty-yard crisp pass into our midfield to begin another attack. Nope, sorry. He's letting the ball cannon off his knees ... like Montgoofery ... into touch, so QPR can thump the ball in and Warnock can show thinly-veiled glee at our downfall (oddly-enough, I think he is genuinely upset, meself) If Nyron pulls on a shirt again for United, we're I not such a Blade for life, I'd consider supporting someone else. The man is incompetent, clumsy and apt to create more shit than he controls. Please, Adams. Drop him. Show you mean it, eh?

Simonsen. 7/10. Were it not for him, it would have been embarrassing and humiliating. In fact, it was both of them anyway, but well, done Simmo for not letting it get too far toward suicide.

Subs:

Bent 1/10. And that's for knobbing that big-titted scouse lass. Still trying to see the joke in signing him, meself.

Yeates 2/10. Spent a lot of time berating his teammates for their lack of footballing ability/passion. Then plays like Bobby Ford, on a good day.

Riise 6/10. Showed some heart, a good eye for the game and actually seemed to want to win. Get him dropped and sent back, Adams.

Ref: Well done. Quinny's penalty. Nuff said.

Crowd. Well done the Blades. Not much to cheer, but at least we got 'United' at the corners.

QPR: Very good. Will get wiped on the anuses of the better teams next season though, unless Warnock can raid the teams dropping and the CL also-rans. They need a better second strker (Helgusson was pants) and possibly a stronger central midfield.

pommpey

*foul/booked. At least he didn't put in a firm challenge, win the ball cleanly, get up ... leaving the QPR player prone and thinking 'f**king Hell!' ... and clip a smart pass through to the advancing Doyle, out to Quinn, back to Doyle who, seeing Evans make a run and taking two player with him then lays the ball through to the fast, advancing Montgomery who, now with just the keeper to beat, does that neat, 'Showboatesque' step-onto-pull-back' trick past Paddy Kenny and slides the ball into the empty net, eh?

[fred emney]

Can`t fault the marks there Pommpey, some teams make up for a lack of quality by being a greater side by the accumulation of all their parts. All our parts add up to f**k all & we play worse than that.

We at one stage up to the 2nd goal had put more balls into the box than QPR`s pretty dandying about lark but never once apart from when Quinn was thru on goal did we look like we may score & even then you just knew something would go amiss.

On second thoughts i think you`ve rated Nosworthy too high Pommpey

[pommpey]

One further thought.

Had that ball come over the heads of three of our defenders and dropped smartly onto the boot of their striker like it did last night, and had one Chris Morgan been right where that useless b*****d was flailing around, trying to get his feet, Routledge would possibly be waking up in Middlesex General this morning with a couple of surgeons telling him that the operation to reattach his right leg to his hip was a partial success, as his foot was still missing, believed to be on the Loftus Road stand roof and still in his boot. Had Morgs been chased down in the second half by their winger, instead of letting the ball ricochet off him, he'd have leant back into his chaser, possibly offered him some pointy-end-of-elbow and if still threatened (as if anyone could threaten him) booted the ball into touch.

There would be a few people limping this morning at QPRs post match training session.

pommpey

[Bladenz]

Thanks Fred & Pommpey - you have made my day. I was totally depressed, but there is so much huimour in your comments, I have just sat and LARFED - better go, I think I may have wet myself!