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Post by fred emney on Apr 8, 2014 22:36:12 GMT
After a 2-1 loss at leicester & a 3-3 draw v, forest, Jan Smut our roving South African reporter gave us his views...
"Well watching the Oscar Pistorius case it has become common knowledge that Oscar is a wednesdayite. There were rumours doing the rounds in the press box that this had been the case before the adjourment, tell tale signs like delusion, a big head & snot dribbling from his nose pointed toward a hillsborough allegiance. Monday however provided almost categorical proof when starting his own defense, Oscar, part way through his apology to the Steenkamp family, was whispered the fact leicester had whipped his favourites 2-1 friday night, cue tears & heavy snot dribbling "how?" we heard him mutter "we are better than them, we should be the ones promoted". Alas the cameras and audio failed to pick this comment but today if any more proof were needed, the tears, snot and incoherent mumbling started on cue as soon as he was told forest got the late equaliser. Guilty as charged"
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Post by fred emney on Apr 12, 2014 22:38:59 GMT
We managed a quick chat with referee Fred Graham safter the 3-3 v. blackburn...Referee
...Well Scudamore at the FA rang me when the shit team in blue & white were 3-1 down, i don`t normally carry my mobile around when i referee but darling Trevor Brooking told me to tuck one in me jockstrap in case of emergency. At 3-1 it was an emergency, frankly i can`t understand why. but Scuds said "Look Wednesday have had it tough, they are a bumbling mid to lower table shower of shit but they are massive and it`s totally unfair that my dear west hams arch adversaries are taking all the limelight by their appearance on the FA Cup Semi" He then asked could i gift wednesday a draw, which i was happy to oblige as blackburn had declared anyway and most of ther players were boarding the team bus. I thought afterward Scuds could`ve rung me to say job well done but the prick was somewhere else apparently, off making sure the semi final ref was wearing a hull kit underneath his refs gear for sunday... sometimes helping the needy is very unhealthy, seeing the wednesday fans gloat at the final whistle today didn`t sit easy with me, a draw v. blackburn & they are 'top 5...' it all reminded me of "One flew over the cuckoos nest" but with an extra dose of lunacy.
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Post by fred emney on Apr 18, 2014 22:28:04 GMT
After a win at bournemouth.... The BBC worldwide service headlined their news with...
"Today, the seasons favourites for the championship, promotion, the FA cup and the league cup took 43 games of the season to successfully ......avoid RELEGATION"
They are now installed yet again for favouritism of 'treble' winners next season & champions league holders in 3 years"
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Post by fred emney on Apr 21, 2014 21:58:54 GMT
2-3 at home to charlton, we asked professor Alf Bumstead, historical & archealogical Dean at the West Pontefract Open University, for his thoughts...
"Interesting, upon reaching this site, we immediately found residue of neolithic rust, an old programme with Brain Joicey on the cover , someone some people think is the missing link, and signs of porkersaurus fossils. The most startling revelation came when we sat in hiding awaiting the local tribe to appear. I have seen obscure tribes in the inner Borneo jungle totally immersed in their own world, oblivious to anyone elses culture but this wednesday nation were singularily demented, they seem to think they were kings of the world, the best, the most massivest and when they went 2 goals up in 8 minutes they crowned themselves princes of Europe. Funny then, that a visiting side referred to, i think, as tin pot charlie Ton beat them 3-2. This of course did not alter the wednesday tribes view at all, they continue to immortalise their fake Gods, like the gipponicus curran, the tongue twisting almost Aztecian sounding waddleisasteamingpileofshit & the fat pressman buddha. Give me the bongobongobublipper tribe of Borneo anyday, at least they are partially civilised".
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Post by fred emney on Apr 26, 2014 23:12:06 GMT
1-3 at home to Notlob, Valerie Singleton gave us her best Blue Peter verdict...
"Hello children, today we are going to make a deluded t**t. Now i hope you`ve got all the ingredients, a blue & white slavver covered shirt, halitosis, a tattoo of a pig, a photo of cross eyed terry curran and half a brain.
Now children it`s ok, you don`t have to go to hillsborough, i know , i know, it smells like John Noakes`s metal jockstrap doesn`t it ... but with more rust of course ha ha. But to be deluded children, you don`t have to actually visit the home of delusion just claim you go there every week. Now stir all your ingredients into a muck lined sack, give it a good kick and throw in a bag of lard & a few ginger pubes, leave until wednesday are European champions in 2017 & hey presto you have a 'tango'.
Now look , getting thrashed at home by Bolton doesn`t mean you are the shitty, grimy, arseheaded, shit stained bunch of nobs the world thinks you are as a wednesdayite,... losing still means you are the most massive supporters of the most massive club in the world & saying words like "we get 200,000 to every home game, what do you get" is the one phrase that will shut up any detractors.
& now over to Peter Purvis who will show you have to untie your foreskin from a zip...."
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Post by fred emney on May 3, 2014 21:41:23 GMT
At last the final edition of reporting on the massively mediocre!!!...
A loss at ipswich in the final match of the season saw a worthy 2-1 defeat. Ted Scratchings , a devoted follower of the nonsense poems of Edward Lear, gave us his thoughts on the match...
"What a marvellous effort for Peter Green to get on the scoresheet for the winner, i couldn`t have asked for a better ending...
The Owl played like a pussycat and all at sea as P Green used his boot
Absolutely devine, no doubt Mr Gray whacked his defence with a runcible spoon as soon as the match finished!. One hopes so, as one doesn`t like to see such shite on a football field as the mince and quince of sheff wednesday FC"
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Post by hagan on Jul 23, 2014 8:58:01 GMT
On holiday in Sopot - Poland, saturday night out on town I couldn't help not noticing an ugly yellow away kit with Pigs emblem on, eardropping on him. he said to his misses : wheres the bloody loo!!! give sense, a pig looking for a loo. didn't know pigs are issued with passports. later the same night(30 mins later), a horrific incident occured, scaring me and my misses sitting just yards away,not a good omen to meet a pig when on holiday. : inside-poland.com/t/man-drives-car-into-summer-crowds-at-holiday-hotspot-in-sopot-poland-22-injured/ |
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Post by fred emney on Jul 23, 2014 21:34:51 GMT
Commiserations on your find Hages. a Pig on holiday is never a good look, never a good omen and never a good smell.... looking for the bog is a compulsive habit for fans who talk so much shit.
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